The Real Me
by VanyD
Summary: SEQUEL TO GOOD OR BAD- Roxanne had a good life, a boring one, but a good one none the less. Trying to escape boredom, stuck in a world of gangs and crime, Roxanne stumbles upon her past, and not to mention a certain red head...
1. Intro

Sequel time! I have to apologize for ending Good or Bad that way. Also, if you're reading this, and you haven't read Good or Bad, I suggest you do. I'm not sure if this fic can stand on it's own. Probably, but still... Anyway, I won't lie to you readers. I do not think this one is anywhere near as good as Good or Bad. It lacks something in my opinion. I have doubts about the quality of this, but every time I look at it, there's not a thing I want to change, odd huh? I hope you like it. It's more drama than anything else I've EVER done! Anyway, I was specifically asked NOT to use Tomoe, so, if you find it weird that I have Reena instead of Tomoe be aware that I have informed u.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Me: Someone stole my Kenshin!!!! Bring him back!!!  
  
Lena: You never owned Kenshin.  
  
Me: I didn't? O_O  
  
Lena: You are so annoying. *Vein popping*  
  
Me: Are you sure I never owned him? @_@  
  
Lena: You own nothing! *takes out Katana* are we going to continue or not?  
  
Me: *gulp* Don't hurt me.  
  
Lena: Koo, on with the fic! ^_^  
  
~Kenshin's POW~  
  
Two weeks. Two more weeks till that dreaded day. I took a deep breath, and when I let it out it shook. I should have been over this by now, but I wasn't. At first I kept up hope that she'd come back. Later on I got desperate; then I became depressed and had to go to a professional, who put me on drugs. After that I began to go crazy; finally I had to leave town... I had to try to forget. The forgetting thing didn't work too well. Every night when I dreamed it was always of those perfect blue orbs, those eyes that held so much repressed emotion. Sometimes I swear I can feel my cheek burning... I can feel it burning right where she kissed me before she walked to her doom.  
  
I rubbed my eyes trying to take the sleep out of them. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night because of those dreams of her. Not only did I see her eyes, but I also saw a scene play out before me. This always happens. I see scenes of things I don't understand, but they seem real, and familiar, almost like a memory. Not my memory, but it had to be someone's, right?  
  
"You ok?" My fiancé asked wrapping her long delicate arms around my bare chest, hugging me from behind. A fiancé, I'd never thought I'd get one, especially after...  
  
"Yeah, just tired." I replied. Two years ago I would have probably said, "I'm fine, that I am." I don't know what happened. One day I woke up and it was as if the energy I used to have just... left? Disappeared? I'm not too sure what happened. When I lost hope in her return my life went spiraling downward. Spiraling until I had sunken down into what I am now. Whatever this is.  
  
"Tired? You're always tired. I don't understand it." Reena said moving to sit in the chair next to mine at the table. She was wearing my flannel shirt. It looked really odd on her, but she found the shirt comfy. She always had a love of wearing my clothes as she had the same small frame that I did, she could wear my clothes in public and it wouldn't be a big deal.  
  
"Neither do it." I sighed laying my head against the cool glass of the table. Reena played with my short red hair, as she always did, thinking it a comforting gesture, but whenever anyone touched my hair I'd remember two years ago. I'd remember the pain; remember the night when my hair was cut. It wasn't done on purpose, but that didn't matter.  
  
"What is it that keeps you up at night Ken-san?" Reena cooed still playing with my hair.  
  
"I don't know." I lied. She probably wouldn't like it if I were dreaming of a past love.  
  
"Maybe you should go to a professional." She suggested, concerned.  
  
"No." I said flatly. I had had my fill of professional's years ago.  
  
"Honey, you can't keep going on like this!" She pressed.  
  
"I'm fine. Look, I'm going to go take a shower, ok?" I kissed her on the forehead and stood. As I walked to the bathroom I heard her call me back, but I ignored her and kept walking.  
  
When I got out of the shower Reena was gone. She was probably upset, but it wasn't anything new. She was always upset with me, but she still stayed around. I don't think I've ever apologized to anyone more than I've apologized to her. I checked my answering machine on my way out of my apartment. I had one message. It was from Sano. I hadn't talked to him in nearly a year.  
  
"Yo Kenshin! It's Sano. I'm supposed to pass through your city for a day, but I figured since you're there maybe I can come for a week and hang out with you. I haven't seen you in a helluva lotta time. God, when was the last time we talked? Since you moved? Anyway, Call me if I can come crash. See ya."  
  
When I called back to tell him it was fine, he wasn't home, so I left a message on his machine. I was sort of relieved not to talk to him, an odd feeling since half of me wanted to see him, badly. After the call I picked up my keys, and went off to work. I was still tired, but I had to work, so there was nothing I could do about it. Actually I was getting used to being tired. There is some comfort in not being totally awake, totally aware. There is a weird bliss in ignorance that I've been experiencing, a bliss that used to scare me, but now was almost comforting. At first this feeling of content startled me. I wasn't supposed to be content, but I was. And in some way, that feeling made me feel, guilty...  
  
~~PREVIEW: I growled at the arm around me, but did not push it away. The feel of the arm on my bare skin was almost intolerable, but after 2 years of waking up like this I've gotten accustomed to it.  
  
APRIL 16, 2004 


	2. This is My Life

I am SOOOOOOO sorry for taking forever to update. I've just been really afraid that the sequel won't stand up to the first because it's a LOT more dramatic and stuff... oh well... I hope you like it. Sorry for taking a while to update. I hope all my readers from last time come back. Anyway, go enjoy.  
  
P.S. If you like Fushigi Yuugi, go read Kirei's prophecy  
  
P.P.S. I'm posting a story on Fictionpress.com called Office hours. It's really funny, and it's my most well written, I can promise you that. So, go check it out. It's a romance.  
  
P.P.P.S. There are only a couple of Kenshin P.O.W.'s, and this chap is NOT one of them.  
  
Disclaimer: How much do u want to bet I own Rurouni Kenshin? You might not wanna bet very much.... TRUST ME.  
  
Light assaulted my eyes as I shifted in the bed. I groaned and pulled the sheet up to cover my face. My movement caused the man beside me to tighten his grip on my slim waist. I growled at the arm around me, but did not push it away. The feel of the arm on my bare pale skin was almost intolerable, but after 2 years of waking up like this I've gotten accustomed to it.  
  
"Morning." The deep male voice breathed against my neck.  
  
"Morning." I replied in the most chipper voice I had. I was not a morning person.  
  
"Such a delightful way to wake up, in the arms of the one you love, ne?" He asked pulling me even closer to him.  
  
"Yeah, but we can't stay like this forever. I'm starved." I got up, and pushed his arm away. Thank God. Grabbing a robe, I slipped it on, tied my waist length black hair back with my favorite black hair band, and left the room. I moved through the familiar gigantic mansion, not bothering to look at the beautiful paintings that hung from the walls, the sculptures that stood in every corner, or even the expensive rugs that shielded my feet from the cold of the floor. I had seen it all before, and once you got used to it, it wasn't a big deal anyway. Finally I reached the kitchen. "Morning Megumi." I smiled at the older woman who was cooking something that smelt utterly divine.  
  
"Morning Rox." She flashed a smile at me, pushing some strands of her long black hair behind her ears, "Bacon?"  
  
"You know it!" I exclaimed rushing to get a plate, "My favorite breakfast food."  
  
"Don't hog all the bacon." Isaru yelled half jogging into the room followed by Matt, Devon, and Kyo. (A/N: ACK I tried doing some Japanese names, but then I wanted American names, and blah... Sorry... hehe...)  
  
"I'd never!" I protested, but still heaped most of it on my plate. In two seconds I was attacked, and left with only 3 pieces of Bacon. "Thieves!" I growled.  
  
"Not like it's a secret." Devon grinned, mouth stuffed with bacon. And she was right. It wasn't a secret. I was the sweetheart of a well-known gang leader. Jineh was known all over the city, and no one messed with him. He changed him name to Big J because he wanted to sound "cool." I thought the name Big J sounded ridiculous, but whatever. I lived in this monstrous house he had bought in the country, AKA in the middle of nowhere. For miles around there's only grass and trees and NOTHING. Calling it boring would be an understatement. Living in the house is Jineh, his four bodyguards, Matt, Isaru, Devon, Kyo, Megumi, and I, oh and there were other random guards living here too. There was no need for more protection beyond guards. No one was stupid enough to try and break into this mansion. So, there were no security cameras in the entire house. Thank God because it would've been so eerie having someone watching me every day every minute on a little television screen or whatever.  
  
Matt, Isaru, Kyo, Megumi, and Devon all work for Big J. They're my friends, and they're fun to hang around with when they aren't off on business. Matt is the cutest guy a girl could hope for. He's extremely charming and suave, but once you get past all of that you see a little boy with one thing on his mind (if you know what I mean). Matt has the ability to laugh no matter what. I still can't understand how he became a spy for Jineh. Anyway, Isaru is almost Matt's twin (personality wise). It's funny because Matt is originally from England so it's like Isaru is the Japanese version of Matt. He's also a spy. Kyo is the most sophisticated of them all. He's a researcher for Jineh. Surprisingly, he's gay, which is a shame because his long brown hair and gentle green eyes have gotten him plenty of female attention that he just didn't want. Megumi is the scientist/Doctor. She's the oldest, and is always calm and collected like Kyo, but unlike Kyo Megumi has the scariest temper. If she's angry with you, run for cover because she'll tear you to shreds. Last, but not least, there's Devon. Devon is my closest friend here. She's American. She has this amazing long blonde hair, and beautiful blue eyes. Matt and Isaru spend most of the day drooling over her. She's always happy and bubbly no matter what happens. I used to think she was a spy because her room is full of wigs and sunglasses, different colored contacts, costumes, and stuff. I forgot who it was that told me she wasn't a spy, but they refused to tell me what she really does. I've always wanted to ask, but never have. All five of them go out with Jineh on missions. I have no clue what they do on these missions because I, being the poor helpless damsel, get the joy of staying in this house and rotting away. It sucks. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with Big J, but I can't remember anything. Big J says we met at a dance club, and we danced our way into each other's hearts. Funny thing, I've been here for two years, and I've yet to feel the love that Big J insists we had before my memory left me. He even refuses to tell me how I lost my memory. He says the story is too painful to re-tell. What a load of crap.  
  
"Where are you guys going anyway?" I asked scooping some eggs into my plate.  
  
"Doesn't matter, you're not coming." Matt said sipping his OJ.  
  
"Why not?" I glared at him.  
  
"Because we wouldn't want you getting hurt." Big J said from the doorway. His usual 4 guards surrounded him.  
  
"Of course." I snorted.  
  
"You're much too delicate to be put in any danger." He said soothingly, taking my hand in his. I fought not to snatch my hand back.  
  
"I'd be with Devon, Kyo, Matt, Megumi, AND Isaru. What possibly could happen to me?!?!?!"  
  
"A lot. Plus Devon and Megumi aren't coming with me. Their staying here to keep you company. So you won't be bored."  
  
"Yeah, we can do girl stuff or whatever," Devon smiled fingering her blonde hair.  
  
"It'll be fun." Megumi agreed, munching on toast.  
  
"I still want to go." I crossed my arms in frustration.  
  
" Too bad." Big J said, signaling the end of the conversation, and walking off with his bodyguards following him. Matt, Isaru, and Kyo followed him, shooting me a glance that said 'Sorry'. This very same scene has been played out before me nearly every week for the past 2 years. It's the same thing every time! I beg to go with them, Jineh says some crap about protecting me, and I get stuck in this huge ass, boring mansion. I'm so bored by all of this crap that it's almost painful!  
  
I sighed heavily, and returned my attention to my eggs, ignoring Megumi and Devon trying to cheer me up.  
  
This is my life, and it's more than time for a change.  
  
PREVIEW: Every time I close my eyes I see her. I see her staring out in wonder at the butterflies that time when we were in the park. That time I showed her my secret spot. I see her falling to the ground, tears pooled in her eyes, at the feet at Jineh  
  
BTW-  
  
: The reason I picked the name "The Real Me" is partially because I had no freaking clue what to name this fic, and partially because Kaoru's gonna be stuck between two sides of herself, and is going to have to find the real her... I guess... Ack... I plan on this being a trilogy of fictions and thinking about it now, I probably should have named the next one after this "The real me". Damn I'm bad at this... --  
  
Well, I'm off to play FF X-2! TOODLES! 


	3. Three years

Oh man did this take me long to edit. This has been my hardest chapter so far, ack ack! Everything else is written wayyyyyy better (PROMISE). Woo, either way, I hope u enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: No own.  
  
Kenshin's POV  
  
"Damnit!" I yelled, flinging the covers away from my sweat drenched body. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep! Every time I close my eyes I see her over and over again. I see her falling to the ground at Jineh's feet with tears pooled in her eyes. I see her face set with determination as she glares at her young friend, who refuses to sit down at the movies. I see her with thin lips and pale skin, her anger coursing through her delicate body as she shoots down a man in her way. I see her leaning forward in order to press her soft lips against mine as butterflies surround us.  
  
3 years. It had been 3 years to the day.  
  
Yesterday I told myself I wouldn't still be in pain, but here I am, and it hurts like hell.  
  
"Promise my ass." I muttered remembering her promise to return my hair tie. She never did. She never came back. She promised! My fist curled, and I dug my nails into my flesh trying to stop the flow of memories. I stood, and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I would not lose control like I did last year. This would not happen to me. I have Reena now.  
  
I quickly moved off into the kitchen and thought about fixing breakfast. I didn't feel hungry though. I didn't feel like doing anything really. In truth, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and shun all of mankind. I growled at my pathetic ness, and forcefully grabbed a pan from the cabinet. I'm going to eat. I don't care if my body wants to or not. Practically throwing the pan on the stove, I reached for the eggs. I gripped too tightly, and broke the fragile white shell. Egg dripped out of my hand and onto the cold floor. After cleaning that up, I tried the eggs once more, but this time more gently. I cracked them nicely in the pan, and turned on the heat. I grabbed some cheese, and began to grate, and grate, and grate. Before I knew it I had grated the whole block of cheese.  
  
"Shit!" I had forgotten the pan on the stove, and now the smell of burnt eggs was wafting through the air. I grabbed for the pan, and unfortunately grabbed the side instead of the handle, burning my hand. I dropped the hot pan, and while yelling, ran for the sink to run cool water over my poor hand.  
  
'God damnit! I'm so stupid! I'm a cook for Christ sakes, and I can't even make an omelet.' I thought to myself in anger.  
  
I thanked god that I was off today because if I had gone to work I surely would have gotten fired. I cleaned up the new mess, and fixed up my burnt hand. It was covered in a balm, and wrapped tightly in a piece of cloth, which was formally part of my bed sheet.  
  
What had happened was that I got a little frustrated when I was unable to find the first aid kit. I knew it was somewhere in my bedroom, but for the life of me I couldn't remember where. After 10 minutes of searching everywhere in my small room, I had had enough. I grabbed the white sheets on my bed, and tore a long stripe off. It wasn't until I finished wrapping my hand that I remembered that the first aid kit was kept under the bed. It's funny how during my search of the room I had not thought to check under the bed... damnit.  
  
The doorbell rang unexpectedly, and I checked my watch quickly. Reena should be at work, and I don't have many friends. Who would be visiting me at 10 in the morning? I quickly shut my bedroom door, so that no one would see the carnage of my battle with my unsuspecting bed. "Who is it?" I called out.  
  
"Oi, Kenshin open the door."  
  
"Sano?!?!?!?!" I asked, unable to comprehend why he'd be here.  
  
"Open it. I'm starved, and I'm beat. Do you know how early it is?" He whined. I swung the door open, and sure enough, there was my tall shaggy friend standing in front of my door, a knapsack over his shoulder, his hand in his pocket, and a cigarette on his lips. When had he started smoking?  
  
"Sano, why are you here?" I gestured for him to come in.  
  
"No hi? How are ya?"  
  
"Sorry." I mumbled, closing the door behind him.  
  
"Plus, you knew I was coming."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Something up with your brain? I called, remember?" Sano flung his pack on the couch, and took off for the kitchen.  
  
"Oh yeah. Sorry. I forgot."  
  
"It's ok. I'm here now." Sano said with his head stuck in my fridge.  
  
"Sano put that out!" I said annoyed.  
  
"Oops. Uh, do you have an ash tray?" Sano came out of my fridge holding a box of half eaten cake that me and Reena had bought a couple nights ago, and hadn't been able to finish. I walked off to my bedroom, and pulled out a box from my closet. It had some old stuff I no longer used. One of the things was an ashtray. I held the glass ashtray in my hand and remembered how I started smoking. After Kaoru left I was so nervous and shaky. Someone, I don't remember whom, but someone told me that having a smoke would help clear my thoughts. I quit after a year when the doctors pointed out that it wasn't helping.  
  
I shut my eyes tightly, and moved out of the room, shutting the door behind me.  
  
"Here." I said evenly, tossing it to Sano.  
  
"So..." Sano said, putting out the cigarette, and taking a fork full of cake, which was still sitting in its box. Trust Sano to not take a slice, but instead the whole damn cake. "What happened to your hand?"  
  
"Oh, I uh burned it."  
  
"You gonna say how, or am I supposed to guess?"  
  
"Cooking. It's not a big deal. So, why are you in town anyway?" I asked, changing the subject quickly.  
  
"I just have some business here. Thought I should stop by, meet the fiancé. Where is she by the way?"  
  
"Reena? She's at work. She works in some office or whatever downtown."  
  
"Some office or whatever? Oh, yeah, that sounds like love." Sano licked some icing off of his fingers.  
  
"Shut up, Sano. Don't tell me you came to visit just so you could judge my relationship with Reena." I scowled at my tall friend, who was now pouring himself a glass of milk.  
  
"I was just teasing you. Calm down, Kenshin."  
  
"I am calm." I stated even though it was more than obvious I wasn't. I hated this day, and I couldn't help but be unusually jumping and moody.  
  
"No you're not. You look like you want to hurt me, which we both know is bullshit because you wouldn't be able to hurt me if you tried." Sano smiled a slow lazy smile that let me know he was joking, but even so the incredible urge to smack him made my hand itch. If today was any other day I would have been scolding him on his eating manners, and laughing at every tease, but today I was out to kill because every time I closed my eyes Kaoru would come into focus.  
  
"What's the real reason you're here, Sano?"  
  
"I told ya, I got business."  
  
"That's BS. We both know why you're here, so just spit it out."  
  
"Fine, I came to check up on you. Is that so bad? A friend lookin after a friend."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Look I just don't wanna see you go crazy like last time."  
  
"I didn't go crazy." I said quietly, even though I knew I did.  
  
"Oh really? Cause what I remember is an enraged Kenshin with golden eyes yelling at everything that moved, and nearly getting himself arrested, and then later on, killed."  
  
"I was just a bit moody."  
  
Sano chuckled dryly. "You yelled at an old woman when she was crossing the street. You told her old people were wastes of space, and should be exterminated. You told her you would start the extermination with her, that very night. Ya even told her to lock her damn doors. Don't you remember? Or how bout when a butterfly flew by and you nearly had a break down..."  
  
"I wasn't myself! And the butterfly thing was because I took Kaoru to see the butterflies. That was the day she..."  
  
"She what?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"God damnit Kenshin! She's gone, and you've got to get over it. You're going to get married!"  
  
"You don't understand." My voice lowered dangerously.  
  
"You loved her. I get it. Plus, I miss Jo-chan too, but you've got to let go."  
  
"She's still alive, Sano."  
  
"You don't know that."  
  
"Yeah I do. She's still alive. I feel it."  
  
"What about Reena?"  
  
"I'm supposed to rescue her. I'm supposed to find her, but I don't know how. I spent the entire first year searching, but now it's impossible. Too much time has passed."  
  
"What about Reena?" Sano repeated.  
  
"What if Kaoru's waiting somewhere for me to save her?"  
  
"Kenshin!" Sano grabbed my shoulders, and held me in place. "What about Reena, your bride to be?"  
  
"Reena..." It took me a while to remember who she was. I instantly felt bad. "You're... You're right."  
  
"It's been three years. What are the chances that she isn't... dead?"  
  
I sucked in a sharp breath, and tried to calm myself. She couldn't be. She wasn't dead. I knew it. I just knew it, but I had already told that to Sano, and Sano had promptly ignored it.  
  
"I hate today." I finally said.  
  
"So do I."  
  
(Kaoru's POV)  
  
"I don't know" I heard myself whisper.  
  
The purple/amber eyes I had been looking at zoomed out of focus. Suddenly I was crying, and then Big J was there wiping my tears away. I flinched at his touch. He smiled at me. I felt a sharp pain in my arm. I turned back to see the same wide lavender eyes.  
  
"I'M SORRY!" I shouted as I sprung out of my bed, wide-awake. What the hell kinda of a dream was that?  
  
Devon rushed into the room frantically. "What happened, are you ok?" She panted.  
  
"I'm fine. I just had a... a weird dream."  
  
"People don't scream during weird dreams, they scream during nightmares, so don't you EVER scare me by screaming for no freaking reason!"  
  
"It's not like I screamed on purpose." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Whatever, just try not to do it again."  
  
"Where is everyone?"  
  
"They left remember? It's just me, you, and Megumi."  
  
"Where's she?"  
  
"In her lab."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So what was the dream about?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"How do you NOT know?" Devon asked irritated. She plopped down next to me on the bed, and poked me in the ribs.  
  
"Ouch!!! The dream just doesn't make sense, alright?"  
  
"Well, explain it."  
  
"Fine. I was on a bridge. I looked into someone's eyes, and I was crying. Big J came, and then I blanked out and woke up yelling."  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
"Weird."  
  
"Whatever, I'm hungry." I quickly changed the subject because the dream was upsetting me. It seemed too real. It felt too real.  
  
"Now you're talking my language!!!" Devon tugged me out of bed, and I forced myself to forget the dream. After all, it was probably some stupid meaningless dream. I'm sure the dream has nothing to do with three years ago when I first woke up clueless as to who I am. The dream occurring on today is just a coincidence.  
  
Right?  
  
PREVIEW: She moved up to me and held out a manicured hand for me to shake. "Reena." 


End file.
